Trust: The Generational Link

by | Jul 28, 2013 | 0 comments

We were sitting on our bunk beds at a men’s retreat—several younger men in their 30’s, and a handful of us in our 50’s and 60’s. We had just finished a session with our retreat speaker. Now we were supposed to begin interacting with each other even though most of us had never met before. As we went around the room telling a little bit about ourselves, one of the young men, Aaron, looked at those of us in the room who were older and bluntly declared, “I just want you to know that I don’t trust you guys.”

Trust is a huge part of any relationship. It is a noble thing to want meaningful inter-generational relationships, but the generation gap is a real. One reason for the gap has to do with trust. There was a time when trusting older generations was assumed. That is no longer the case.

We can talk about who’s to blame, but I suspect there’s plenty of blame to go around. Maybe more progress would be made if we simply started to be a little more transparent and listen to each other. That’s what happened at our men’s retreat.

Instead of reacting to Aaron’s honest statement, we took it as an invitation to earn his trust. We listened and opened ourselves up to scrutiny. Several hours of transparency and authenticity led to a great weekend and some new friendships that are on-going to this day. I believe a lot of young men and women are eager to connect with older generations. After all, we were created to need each other—we each bring something valuable to the table because of God’s unique gifting.

Trust is one thing that will keep the generations from connecting and engaging with each other. One generation wants to know if they can trust the other. I hope we won’t give each other reason not to. Here are a few reasons that might happen:

  1. Arrogance: a prideful heart is a rebellious heart. If we think we know better than someone else (whether older or younger), we will never build trust. We will build walls.
  2. Hypocrisy: when what I say doesn’t match up with how I live, how can trust be part of any relationship? Younger generations want to know that I’m real, which includes not having all the answers.
  3. Judgmentalism: we are prone to judge others by outward appearances. It takes time and learning to listen to get know someone. It’s almost impossible to trust someone who is quick to judge without taking the time to know someone.
  4. Unrepentance: owning up to mistakes and our sins goes a long way to building trust. Shifting blame does little to build trust. When genuine repentance is shown, trust has a chance.

What have you learned about building trust generation to generation? I would particularly like to hear from some of the younger generations. What are the obstacles you find in cultivating a relationship of trust with older generations?

If you find this blog site useful, would you mind passing it on to others you know? Let’s enlarge the conversation and involve all the generations. Thanks for sharing.

 

 

Written by Cavin Harper

A graduate of Baylor University and Denver Seminary, Cavin Harper served as an associate pastor for 17 years before founding ElderQuest Ministries which later became known as the Christian Grandparenting Network. He writes a weekly blog on grandparenting and has authored several books including Courageous Grandparenting: Building a Legacy Worth Outliving You.

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