Do You Want to Enrich Your Life?

Walt was devastated to learn that he had been paired with a young college student with more than a few tattoos and piercings. The was the last thing Walt, a retired corporate executive, wanted as his student partner for a week-long inter-generational experiment we were conducting at a Christian college. The ‘experiment’ involved pairing older adults with college students for a week to attend classes, eat meals, participate in campus activities, and dialogue together. The goal was to open opportunities to build inter-generational understanding and trust. Fortunately, Walt was committed to the experiment, so he chose to make the most of this awkward situation. In spite of his uneasiness, he determined find out what he could about this young college student who was very different from himself.

Walt discovered a young man passionately committed to Christ and dedicated to serving the poor in his community. Chris, equally skeptical about this older man from an affluent corporate executive lifestyle, realized how inaccurate his stereotypes of older people had been. Both of them discovered that they had much more in common than they would have imagined. They actually enjoyed each other’s company and soon built a lasting relationship that enriched both their lives. What made the difference?

They chose to listen and look beyond the surface. Personal prejudices and judgments based upon outward appearances and age biases soon melted away. They both learned their imaginations about differences were more illusion than reality. In their place shared values and mutual passions emerged. An enriching relationship had been birthed.

If you can listen, you can build meaningful and enriching relationships with people that might surprise you. The greatest obstacle to building inter-generational relationships is trust. A great way to build trust is to learn to listen well.

I have noticed three important requirements of good listening that profoundly impact the richness of relationship of all kinds. They are…

1. Good listening requires intentionality. It’s often easier to give advice or air an opinion than it is to listen to another person’s point of view.  If I want to be heard, I must learn to listen first. James said we are to be “slow to speak, quick to listen..” That requires intentionality. Invite someone from another generation to sit down with you at Starbucks and listen to their story.
2. Good listening requires undivided attention. Good listening is hard work. Few things hinder trust in our communications than being distracted and not paying attention. If someone knows you aren’t paying attention, they will never trust you. Turn off the cell phones, look at the person with whom you are talking, and listen carefully. Ask questions and confirm ideas or thoughts they express so they know you are giving them your undivided attention.
3. Good listening requires objectivity. Objectivity looks beyond the external appearances that don’t drill down to the true person. Put aside your assumptions and listen for the heart. When Jesus talked with the Samaritan woman at the well, he knew everything about her, yet did not judge her. He listened and responded graciously and truthfully to her comments and questions. Ask God to give you’re the same spirit of objectivity and grace.

Do you want to enrich your life? Then cultivate meaningful relationships with other generations. Step out of your comfort zone. Initiate a conversation with someone from another generation.  Be a good listener. Enjoy the richness you will gain.

What are some ways you’ve been able to engage in inter-gen conversations? What are some of the things that hinder you from being a good listener?