John Stonestreet, President of the Colson Center for Christian Worldview and co-host of Breakpoint, commented in a post several years ago that the older generations need to “get over the barrier that younger generations don’t want to hear what you have to say.” I would also suggest that younger generations need to get over the barrier than older generations don’t want to hear what they have to say either. It’s also worth noting that mentors don’t need to be people of importance who hold a title or degree in order to be effective.
Tim (not his real name) joined the staff at the church we began attending shortly after moving to Colorado Springs. Tim had just graduated from a well-known college in the Mid-West where he and several other students enjoyed a positive mentor relationship with the president of the college. Every week the president met with them in his office, and sometimes at his home. They “sat at the feet” of this remarkable man and shared their lives generation to generation.
After accepting the position on the staff of our church—a large church—he immediately set out to establish another mentoring relationship with an older man like the one he had enjoyed in college. Sadly, he had a very difficult time finding anyone who would respond to his desire for this inter-generational mentoring relationship. His disappointment may have contributed to his finally leaving his position and moving with his wife to another city.
I did not know at the time of this young man’s desire for an older mentor, but I know I would have eagerly engaged in such a relationship had he asked. I also know other men who would have done the same … men with a lot to offer. While I’m disappointed in the responses he got from his search, I wonder if his search may have been too limited to important people—much like the college president with whom he had that special relationship. Is it possible he may have unintentionally overlooked the lesser-known older men who have walked faithfully with God but did not have certain pedigrees or possess the coveted positions of staff or elders? I don’t know the answer to that question, and I do wish more older mentors would step to the plate.
It’s easy to make assumptions and judgments about other generations. Younger generations often assume older generations don’t really care; older generations tend to think the younger generations don’t really care. They’re both wrong. It’s time to put aside our biases and stop listening to the voices that do not tell the whole story. It’s time to set aside our fears, judgments, and stereotypes we create for one another. It’s time to find a way to courageously engage without prejudice generation to generation. There’s so much to gain if we will only make the effort.
Here are four things I believe can facilitate inter-generational relationships:
- Lay aside your assumptions and prejudices about another generation.
- Get over yourself. Don’t think too highly of yourself (pride) or too little of what God has given you to share (another form of pride).
- Dare to take the initiative. Step out of your comfort zone and courageously step into the other generation’s world. It will be uncomfortable at first… but give it a try.
- Trust God. Believe what He has already told us in His Word (e.g.: “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness…” 2 Peter 1:3).
What are the obstacles you have experienced is seeking to build a mentoring relationship with someone of another generation? Share your comments below.
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