The Multi-Generational Myth: Part 4

Repristinating is the process of restoring something to its original condition. It’s not too difficult if you’re repainting a fence, but it’s a whole other matter when it means changing decades of cultural trappings that have redefined what it means to be the “church”. I don’t believe I have a “Polly-Anna” view about how difficult this can be. I do, however, believe God wants us to truly reflect the body of Christ as He intends it to be, and if we’re willing to take even small steps toward that objective, I am convinced He will bless it.

The suggestions I’ve proffered in the last several posts are simply that—“suggestions” that handfuls of us can begin to employ with the hope others will catch on as well. By ourselves, we may only impact a few relationships, but when multiplied by others catching the vision and taking courageous steps forward, God can do more than we can imagine.

These final two suggestions involve two very different actions directed at two different groups of people: the family of God, and the biological family. Many churches are already implementing the first to some degree. The second is one that is largely ignored, with some brave exceptions, and our families have paid the price for doing so. Let’s jump in and see what we can do…

IDEA #5: MISSIONS/SERVICE PROJECTS

A large number of churches engage in some kind of missions and/or local service projects. If your church is doing these things, I encourage you to discuss with your leadership how these can be more intentionally focused on doing them inter-generationally. Some are already involving multiple generations. If your church is not, here are some ways you can approach your church leaders in this regard: 

1. Multiple generations serving together in both domestic and overseas mission projects. 
2. Local service projects: Helping the elderly with yard or cleaning projects, work with food pantries and distribution networks, or offer services to local public schools to do painting, repairs, and landscaping work. There are also local projects for organization like Samaritan’s Purse for the Christmas Shoebox project, or similar outreaches in the community during the holiday season. 
3. Seasonal projects: My church has a ministry called Gift of Love, where disadvantaged families are invited to come and “shop” in our store (supplied by gifts from our congregation) so the children of these families will have special gifts under the tree at Christmas. Elementary children, teens, and adults all work together in this massive project. 

IDEA #6: FAMILY WORSHIP
Dr. Josh Mulvihill (Gospel Shaped Family) offers some excellent suggestions for families to train their children to learn what it means to worship as the family of God. It’s unfortunate that so many families choose to isolate their children from the main worship time in the local church. We have created children’s and youth versions of “worship” to replace the gathered community where all the generations worship together. These suggestions will be a new way of doing weekend worship for many families, but what Josh offers could revolutionize your family worship experience with the family of God and provide effective ways to train your children about corporate worship. Here are things Josh does with his family:

1. Discuss worship expectations with your children. In the beginning Jen and I told our children that we expected them to be calm (because we have three boys who couldn’t sit still), quiet (because we have children who do not understand what an indoor voice is), and pay attention. Three things. That’s all we needed them to remember. Calm. Quiet. Pay attention. Some learned quickly. Others tested boundaries and needed loving guidance with a whisper in the ear, a squeeze on the thigh, or even an invitation to join me in the hallway to be reminded of expectations. Children who did well were praised generously. If children are brand new to corporate worship, expect that quick learners will do well after a few weeks and slow learners will take a few months.
2. Provide tools, not toys. We want children engaged, not occupied. It’s great that children are present, but our goal is their participation. Rather than bringing cars, coloring books, or legos bring a notebook, Bible, and pen. We encourage young children who cannot read to draw pictures of what they hear. Older children are expected to take notes and listen attentively. For accountability, we often have our children go down to the senior pastor and show him their notes. 
3. Teach your children the music you sing at church. We purchase songs that we sing at church and listen to them at home. It’s not forced, but informal. We play worship music while children eat breakfast or clean and in the process they begin to become familiar with the worship music. Guess what happens at church when they hear music they know and like? They sing! 
4. Suckers! Our goal for children was always busy hands and quiet mouths. When the pastor began his sermon, we would pass out a sucker to each of our children. The sucker usually helped a child pay attention for about ten minutes. If a child was particularly squirmy, we would provide a second sucker or even a piece of gum. We would also strategically place the youngest children closest to a parent and the older children at the end.
5. Say no to bathrooms and screens. We learned quickly that some of our children suddenly had to go to the bathroom and couldn’t hold it during the sermon. We made it a practice to encourage children to go to the bathroom before the worship service and only gave permission to use the bathroom in rare instances. We initiated the “Are you going to wet your pants?” test to determine if the bathroom was necessary. We also do not allow screens during the service unless it is to access the Bible or use an app to take notes. As parents, we try to set a good example by not texting, using social media, looking at fantasy football scores (particularly hard for me during football season), or checking email. Our children learn the value and form of worship by watching us. We want the affection of our heart and the focus of our mind to be on worshipping Christ and; therefore, we try to eliminate all distractions.
6. Ask questions on the ride home. Invite your children to share what they liked most about the sermon or a comment that stuck out to them. Sometimes our children will laugh about a funny story that was shared and this is fine! It means they were listening. Other times, children will ask a clarifying question about what a word or concept means. This is simply an opportunity for you to see how your children are processing the sermon and to see what really grabbed them.

Like learning anything, it takes time for young children to learn how to worship corporately. If worshipping as a family is new to you, just getting your children to sit quietly without embarrassing you or distracting others is a big win! As a father of five, I’ve been there. I’ve been given the evil eye as someone glanced over their shoulder at me due to a loud child. If that happens, just smile, and don’t take it out on your child. Be gracious to yourself, your children and others who have children. This is a season where extra grace is required.

While we need an orderly worship service, the sounds of children are a sign of health for families and churches as a means to pass on faith to the next generation. If you are willing to do the hard work to teach and train your children to worship corporately, your children will reap the benefits of being part of the larger church body and learning to worship. Of course, if you haven’t purchased a Bible for your child, consider getting one so the child can bring it to church for worship. May the Lord bless you as you train a child to worship God!

[Check out Dr. Mulvihill’s website HERE to find a copy of the full manuscript of this topic, including additional resources you may want to check out.]